Saturday, 8 September 2012

I've got a sneaky feeling that one of these ITV commentators has lived a previous life within the BBC

As we have a heap of English friends let's get the disclaimer out of the way first.
In my opinion I think London has organised the best Olympics and Paralympics of all time. End of story. That said, what did bug me during the Olympics was all the jingoistic nonsense BBC commentators generated every time they opened their mouths. 
So I was delighted when I saw that the Paralympics coverage had been awarded to ITV and to this point this company's TV commentators have done a sterling  job to the point where they have actually been attempting to give balanced coverage .
Well that was  until this morning, when I switched on the set to take in the first few swimming events of the morning .
The head swimming race commentator is a woman who I noticed the other day had great difficulty relating to any swimmer who wasn't representing Team GB. Her obvious flaw was compensated by the more balanced coverages of her fellow commentators, so no big deal.
Well,  this morning this woman appeared to be commentating with just one fellow male assistant, and she wasn't holding back.
First up were three heats of a race called the men's SB9 100m breaststroke .
There was one Team GB swimmer only (Jack Bridge) and he was assigned to the second heat.
This is basically how all, three  heats were reported.
Prior to the first heat , we were subjected to a five minute monologue about the brilliance of "our Jack". At no stage was any mention made of any other swimmers in this particular competition. Not even a word on the current world record holder, a South African (Kevin Paul) swimming in heat three.
We,  in television land, were informed in no uncertain terms that the swimming auditorium was a sell out and get this, the commentator felt certain that every single punter in the audience would be supporting Team GB swimmers. This piece of work, even suggested that supporters of other swimmers would no doubt also be having very warm feelings for all British swimmers on show as this particular team had exemplified all that was great in the Paralympics.
OK , I get it. My wife and I have raised our disabled child these last twenty years. Have got up at five every morning to take take our child down to the pool for training, have taken on second jobs to ease the financial demands our son's sport has generated. And now at our cost, we have flown over to London to see our son, the current world record holder, perform in the 100m breaststroke.
And you , you twit of a commentator, you think we would have warm fuzzies about one of my son's competitors who happens to wear a Team GB cap.
No problem , GO TEAM GB!
Heat One
Not a Brit in sight. We actually saw the race live however, the commentator decided that rather than commentating on the race itself, it would be better if she gave us a run down on what we should expect to see when "our Jack " raced in heat two.
The race had actually finished and the result flashed on screen when the commentator finally got around to saying "and Heat One was won by the Chinese competitor in 1.09. Gosh that's not a particularly fast time . This is looking good for Jack to make the final".
Come on lady , go for it, tell us how you really feel. Forget that the winner of this heat is called Lin Furong . Why didn't you just cut to the chase and refer to him as the yellow China Man in lane three . God, this woman is pathetic. I hate her and I don't even know her.
Heat Two
It's "our Jacks " turn to show the world. And they are off. Jack, Jack, come on Jack , you can do it.
It's a brilliant race from Jack . Jacks the new British and European champion swimming a time of 1.105. 
Time for a compulsory pool side interview. Jack , great race, the crowd was right behind you . We all know you are a winner. Well done. 
Thanks very much  jaundiced commentator, I swam brilliantly . With all this crowd support I feel pretty good about winning Gold in tonight's final.
As "our Jack" walks away from the camera, the Heat Two results flash up on screen which confirm that a Russian (Ravel Potavtsev) actually beat Jack by a second.
Heat Three.
Again, this idiot commentator continues to analyse Jacks Heat Two performance as we watch the world record holder (Kevin Paul) race down the course in 1.06.
Quick, back to Jack to double check if he still feels confident about the prospect of picking up fully four seconds on his personal best to beat the South African in tonight's final.
Jacks not a shy one. Jacks up for it . Jacks going to do it for all the people of Britain (and for mankind). 

We are off to the final night of The Proms this evening so  we won't be around to see Jack blitz the competition from an outside lane and bring glory to Britain.
Come to think of it , this is pretty important stuff.
Perhaps the Albert Hall management team might give thought to flashing the race live on a big screen as we are all standing to attention when singing Jerusalmem.
Aah , sport, it's a wonderful thing.

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